+dale: rebooted

it has been a few days since i've posted anything, but that does not mean that i have not been busy: i have been trying to discern "what next?" how do i best carry out my ordination vows, trying to see the one holy catholic and apostolic church and to serve her in a world gone full-bozy zonkers while the church chases after?

it has been helpful to read about the struggles of earlier men who have had the same struggle. i have read john henry cardinal newman's apologia and maria trench's story of dr. pusey's life.

the struggle for me has been whether my own position was that of newman, before he famously "went over to rome:" that i had been ordained in a part of the church that was not merely scismatic but invalid, or whether pusey was right, as he fought for the church to remain orthodox against the growing tide of modernism.

on page 542 of trench's book is a quote that has helped me immensely, written as the church of england was debating whether to withdraw the athanasian creed from its worship:

"that a church which would withdraw from public worship . . . the athanasian creed would, in the convictions of thusands of its members, no longer be the same church as that in which we were baptized, and which at our ordination we vosed to serve. . . . it would not be my own orders, but her character, as having abandoned the trust committed to her, which would be brought into question."

i was ordained in a lineage as mongrel as barak obama's family tree, combining old catholic and syrian and coptic and malabar apostolic successions, the purpose of which marriage i understood to be the preservation of these ancient traditions in the west at a time when the continued existence of them in the post-colonial wars seemed uncertain. alas, the followers of that lineage these days have withdrawn from those traditions, and i no longer feel it possible to continue with them.

but, i also know the vows i made and the tradition i received, and so i am excited to explore the celtic and syrian traditions which have been given to me, seeking to remain faithful to the celtic, the western orthodox, church.

celtic and syrian and coptic? you might wonder. the answer is at the base of most of the high crosses in ireland, where the meeting of paul of thebes and anthony of the desert is usually the bottom panel. the wonderful tradition is that seven monks from the desert came to ireland around the beginning of the fourth century, bringing the teachings of the desert fathers to that green land: western orthodoxy; an understanding of the faith onc held which needs, i firmly believe, to be held today, despite the anxiety that it is unfashionable.

so, i ask the most holy theotokos, blessed chad, blessed bridgit, blessed john the wonderworker, all the saints, and you, my brothers and sisters, to pray for me as i begin this next part of my pilgrimage.